*flip screen horizontally if viewing on phone*
/november 6, 2017, write a letter to your body
i know that i don’t spend much time with you
and i
want you to know that i care
always preoccupying myself, (with anything but you) it would seem as if i felt differently
i know
and, let me not just chalk this up to an, “i know,” like so often we do.
i want to take responsibility for the fact that
I’ve been hiding.
like you’re not good enough
like our space here… would be ok…. if only…. things were….. a bit different./
i had to put my joint down to right this because, fuck
let me give this my full attention. typing with my ten fingers, all ready, although they’re never all in action
still in support.
we will start rituals together,
you and i, and i will make sure we stay committed to them
act like I’m honored to be in this.
you are special, you know.
we are with each other for a reason,
and i will explore all the ways.
all the things we can do together.
as if you are a new lover,
every day
a mystery.
i love you.
let me stop convincing you with words and show you with my actions
courageous and gentle
intimate and vulnerable.
as if we only have 5 minutes left with each other.
you are special.
and there is so much to get to know.
i am honored.
thank you for holding on so long, while i have been carelessly running away.
my good friend,
who knows what can happen.
you are who i commit to run to now.
/november 18.2016 /6-mimic, bland, asinine
—
comfortably struggling to shrug you off
i was off when i believed you...
deciding to trust your words instead of my gut
and too often i would mimic your insecurities toward me.
this bland taste in my mouth now as i ask myself how
i listened to whispered lies in the dark.
part of the puzzle
broken off and blowing in the frigid wind
summing up all of your past fuck ups,
and mine too.
an asinine decision it would be to stay with you.
an asinine man you are
and an asinine woman i am too.
coughing up the smoke of
resolve, burnt and being washed down the bathroom sink. slow tempered as i sip my water and breathe
in the sound of your misery.
blatantly not giving a fuck about what you think.
that would be asinine.
divinely at peace. and smooth in the soothing of myself.
easy now,
sweet child.
/november 13, 2016 /Of fire and ice, the coming together of opposites
—
smoothness in the crashing down that is you upon me.
my knees tremble as i fall to oceans depths-
depth,
something i presumed to be a part of your character as slickness seeped from your tongue, fun in the beginning always.
the collision with a stranger. knives stabbed into the dark of your fire—
but the burn not enough to melt me forever. only in moments.
I'm thinking back to all of this as i hold my breath
more deeply. exploring terrains that i have always neglected before. painting my skin in contrasting emotions
to feel it all and nothing.
can i stomach the way i fall so quickly, hot, stinging
scraps on knees that have been praying all along for… for what?
i don't know. always changing.
like, ice to water to air
to gas, to fire
all mixed up within me.